I want to write again so I'm going to sit down and force myself to do it. I want to write again because I know how cathartic it can be for a person, for me. I want to write again because I get sick of the stagnance that has overtaken my life lately. I want to write again because I miss the feeling of a keyboard under my fingers and the solitude that is my quiet self-made sanctuary. I want to write again because I can feel the desperation swelling and building inside of me as my chest rises and falls and my breaths become deeper and panicked and I want to try and avoid this. I'll write about all the reasons why I want to write but I won't actually do it. Screw it, I suppose this is a start.

It's been a year. It's been over a year. It's been at least a good half a year that I even typed my blog address into the browser. It's been one year two months and 27 days since I last wrote something. Ok, so I wrote shopping lists and short emails and facebook status updates but it's been one year two months and 27 days since I last wrote something. How amazing is that? What the hell happened to me?

I'm warming up a little now. I'm talking now about my non-writing phase - shall we call it a dry spell? It was in ways; it was a creativity dry spell. I'm certain of it. I got good at ignoring the blog. Hell I even got good at blocking it out entirely. I was dealing with other stuff. Relationship stuff, if you must know. Relationship stuff that was assumedly blocking my creative juices. This is really the only conclusion that I can come to. The relationship was like fat and chemical residue buildup crap (or whatever the hell gets stuck in those little tubes) clogging your coronary artery. Pretty soon I needed a bypass. (and stop. pause for 6 minutes).

6 minutes later...

Too much personal stuff grinds my fingers to a halt. Maybe it makes me think too hard, so I sit here and stare at the screen and read and re-read the words and just stop. I just stop and sit here and I'm almost certain it's over. The juices are dry. The motor has stopped. It was very hard to restart. I was very close to saving the entry and turning off the laptop and resuming the movie that I had just started before I switched gears and turned on the computer. But then I think, "I am going to make myself write." And I remind myself that it doesn't have to be about personal stuff, it doesn't have to be about anything, it just needs to be. So I will steer this in a different direction for now and finally relay the thought that kick started this whole entry.

I saw today on Facebook that a friend of mine from high school is going to Seoul, Korea, to teach English. She leaves Sunday. There must come a point in my life where I do this. Not necessarily teach English in Seoul, South Korea, but teach English overseas somewhere. It's been something I've been wanting to do for quite a long time, and I'm sure I've mentioned it here a few times. I first started thinking seriously about going to Korea (that was with an ex), then it was Taiwan (that was with another ex), but the truth is, I don't really care where I go, I just want to go. And I want to go alone. I know I will dig it.

I better get on that though, I'm 31! Where does the time go?

Is there anything that you know you have to do in your life? You're just so certain that you must do it, and you're so sure that if you don't, you will regret it for the rest of your life? Maybe this sounds silly, but where some might say having children or getting married, I say teach English abroad. I think it's that thing that I have to do. Does that sound weird to you? I guess in all actuality, it doesn't really even matter how it sounds to you, does it? Nike was right. Just do it.