life plans

Do you know what a cupie doll is? It's a tiny little plastic cherub doll with a little curly cue strand of hair plopped on the top of it's head; arms stretched out from it's sides as if it's about to give you a tiny plastic hug, fingers fanned, spine long and straight, eyes facing forward, placid.

My ex and I used to hide one, for the other to find, as a game. We would put it in strange places; the fridge, the microwave, on top of the shower doors, nestled amongst the green fronds of a fern. Today I walked outside and saw it on my porch.

I don't know how long it's been since I got of this relationship but I know it hasn't been too long.I know it hasn't been too long but I know it's been long enough to start taking steps forward. Hell, I'm running. I also know that this time I'm not going back. It's like a sad, bad 80s song - one that starts slowing down and getting quieter toward the end, but that ends up turning around when it's almost at a dead stop and bolting. I am looking forward, not looking back, scared to death of what might happen if I stop to turn around. Just imagine it like that nasty clown from Stephen King's It is back there and means business.

We were together in total almost 2 years. 2 more years, gone. That's the reality of the situation, isn't it? I won't say that I didn't learn anything from that time, of course I won't say that. If you were to ask me right now, what did you learn, what would I say? That's important to know. Let's see... I learned that love is not enough, and I learned the sadness of having to give up something you do love because it's failed. We tried really hard, both of us, but there were bigger issues that first needed to be dealt with. I'm ok with that. I just had to draw the line somewhere.

I'm trying to hold my head up high, as I write this. 2 years is a nice big chunk of time. I'm 31. It would be a lie if I said that I'm beginning to wonder, so I'll say I'll continue to wonder, because I have been, wondering, that is. What am I doing with my life?

I know I need to move into a direction, but which one? So, yes, of course I've traveled, I've even lived abroad for a year, ya know? I currently live in the same city I grew up in, albeit, I grew up in a 'burb and I'm now in the heart of midtown. I've lived down here for just about 2 years. I'm afraid the fun is starting to wear out. I work at a restaurant yet I have a Bachelor's Degree. I can tell myself that it doesn't matter what you do as long as you're happy until I'm blue in the face (and don't get me wrong, I still mean it) but maybe I'd be happier, feel more fulfilled, if I was somewhere else, doing something else. Luckily, I have some thoughts on the matter. My two ideas are this (I'm sorry Ines):

1. Teach English in Taiwan or
2. Get an interesting writing job in San Francisco.

Notice how Berlin didn't make the cut? I think I might like to check somewhere else out.

I saw that a website called Living Social is hiring writer's in the San Francisco area. Do you think I could use my blog to show off my writing skills? (cough! cough! hack!) Or maybe I should just get out that old portfolio of those clips and blow off the dust. Either rate, I'm practicing, and it feels good.