the human condition

The human condition is an enigma. Being human is certainly strange, but being a woman is surely just as strange. It's weird how female hormones can have such an effect on a woman's emotional state. I say this because I'm saddened, since last night and into the next afternoon (and it hasn't left me yet) and with that sadness comes a sense of feeling sorry for myself. There's a tiny voice that is trying to get through, "get over it" the voice says, "there is other sadness in the world that is far greater than yours." It's true; there's a lot of messed up shit in the world. Wars, uprisings, torture, peaceful protesters getting pepper spray to the face (and as horrendous as it seems, this is mild in comparison). So who am I to feel upset for myself?

Before I started in with my monologue (it's short, don't worry), I just wanted to first try to step outside of my situation and recognize something other than myself. A plea, a gesture, to the rest of the world, to those out there who are saddened by something too. My sadness might be small in the grand scale of sadness, and fleeting too, but it is just as valid. These things happening around the world, happening to people both similar and dissimilar to me, should be acknowledged first.

But now it's my turn. Call it crazy, and believe me I realize it pretty much is, I am sad for a future that hasn't been invented yet. I am sad for the possibility that my life will flash by in a blink of an eye and that I will look back with a furrowed brow and a clouded gaze. With regret over making the wrong choices -- choices that really matter, like choosing a partner or choosing the wrong one, like having (or not having) children. Will I choose to be brave? In the end will I be proud? I realize the only way to know is to stay in the game long enough to find out. Preferably with the minimal amount of sadness possible.